It's Work

I look around and I see people rushing to grow up. Wanting to get married and have kids and settle down. I don't understand this especially when these are such big decisions. Marriage is for life (in my opinion) and so are kids. Growing up I never saw my parents fight, ever. So when people said marriage is work, I was "whatever." I didn't see or understand what was being said. As I have gotten older and now married myself, I get it.

In my early twenties I was about myself. I knew what I wanted and I wasn't going to compromise. It wasn't that the guy I was dating was wrong, I just wasn't going to settle for less than what I wanted. Compromising and sacrificing are two big things in a marriage. It's no longer "me" and "I" but "us" and "we." You have to think about the other person and their happiness and dreams. This is why it is so important to know upfront what you want and know what your partner wants. It can be very hard to have a good marriage when the two of you differ on where to live, how to raise kids, money, religion and household chores. I'm not saying that differences are bad but you have to know how to work with them and meet in the middle.

Communication is HUGE. I'm a natural communicator so this comes easy to me but it doesn't for everyone. You can't be in a relationship and not talk. It doesn't work. You have to talk out your problems, talk about the future, talk about your jobs, talk about the kids, everything. The person you married is your partner and he/she deserves to know what you think and feel. Your spouse can't be there for you if you don't let him in. Another side of the communication is complimenting your spouse and telling him you love him. Nonverbal communication is just as valuable; hugs, kisses and holding hands.

I think we all grow as we get older. Our changing environment (work, new friends) helps us learn new things about ourselves. This can be hard for your spouse who knows the "old" you. We have to be willing to allow our other half to grow and change and accept it. We all get caught up in the "old" days and get comfortable. A lot of people don't like change but being open and receptive to growth and change is the only way for us to be true to the best version of ourselves and is the way we embrace our true freedom.

I've been married eight months now and I see how important it is to work at your marriage. It's not easy. It is a lot of give and take. I just want to caution anyone reading this who isn't married to think about these things. Can you sacrifice your happiness for your spouse? Can you compromise on how to save and spend money? Can you talk about your problems? Can you agree on how many children? Can you accept that your spouse will change and grow with him? If you go into it with the mindset of this is forever, you may be more cautious. Love is more than a feeling, it's acts.